The Greatest Lie Part 1

"Don't worry about that," I said. "Let's keep it our secret, and I promise to keep it under control."

"I certainly hope you outgrow this soon."

"I'm sure I will, Mom."

As I showered I was filled with regret and guilt at my faux pas. I felt worse for involving my mom as a conspirator in my emerging fantasy life. But the thrill of the fantasy overwhelmed my feelings of guilt. To celebrate my success in penetrating my ass and co-opting my mother, I popped a Black Beauty along with my Premarin and headed of to school in a buzz.

Spring break was coming, and every day brought news of college acceptances for the art room crowd. Quinn got into Columbia, Barb got Reed with a partial scholarship, Anne got Ann Arbor, and then I got the University of Minnesota with a full academic scholarship. (Sure I'm brilliant, but let's face it, a Spanish surname helps, even if you are really white.) My happiness was tinged with a little sadness, as I thought of poor Marta stuck going to the community college part-time and working nights at her dad's restaurant. But it would be a new beginning. Could I shake this transgender fantasy in a new environment? Had the macho culture of this awful school forced me to flee to femininity, or was it coming from within me?

I barely had time to say good-bye to Marta before spring break. My dad had been invited to speak at an AIDS conference in Sao Paulo, Brazil, and with my recent transgressions as evidence of unreliability my parents decided they had better take me along. I was excited to go, as I had read that there were lots of 'travesti' in Brazil. And there were. The lined the streets and crowded the corners of some districts, offering glimpses of their silicon pumped boobs and asses to passers by. They varied from the comical to the exquisite, and just being in that environment infused me with resolve to proceed with my own transformation. I had brought an adequate supply of hormones, but I needn't have. There was a huge variety for sale without prescription in every 'pharmacia' in or near the travesti districts. I went on a shopping spree and bought oral, patch, and injectable forms of estrogen.